Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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