I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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