I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This toilet bowl is my home.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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