fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
