Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
