So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
