If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
