so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
