I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
