I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
