i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
