She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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