I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
