The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
