Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
