he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
