Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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