if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
