awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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