ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize