I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
