You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
