god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
