okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
