Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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