Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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