Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize