it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
