After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
