I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
