dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we're making bets on your personal life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
