Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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