Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
