We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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