i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
