I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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