I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you win again, gameday.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
