Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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