And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude. I can hear the air.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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