I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
