Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
