yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize