I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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