we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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