My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i think i just lost a toe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
