Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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