When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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