Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize