What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
