your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
