I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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