I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
