More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
