i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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