i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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