That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
