I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
