:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize