i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
