nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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