the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
