The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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