I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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