i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
