Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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