So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
