I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
