I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
