Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want to fling myself into the sun
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
