oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize