I can tuck mytits in my pants
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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