I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
