she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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