i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
