my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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