Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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