physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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