woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize