do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
