oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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