I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
