he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
