We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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