Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
