I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
