She's JV to your varsity
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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