Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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