No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize