Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
