why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
