OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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