My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
