i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
