**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
