she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
