i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize