i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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