Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
