This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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