dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
