Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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