Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it was like eating out sand paper
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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