Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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