His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
