I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
