how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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