all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize