i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize