Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
