why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
