i wish my penis had a tongue
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
